Before I move on, I wish to say, in total hindsight, that ANY MARRIAGE CAN BE SAVED. It would take devotion to each other, commitment to make it work over the long haul, and an absolute commitment to do things God’s way. When He is in charge…it can work out better perhaps than before. If you are both Christians, and both believe in God’s word, seek marriage counseling from a trained, Christian counselor.
When all the smoke cleared out of my life, and it took years to assess things correctly, I would gladly have stayed the course with my wife, and seen it to the end. The consequences are simply not worth the break-up. This realization came to me in 2009….18 months after I asked God to work with me to draw me closer to Him. I asked Him to draw me into a close relationship with Him because I had blown most of my life, and wanted to see what His plan for me had always been.
When you develop a close relationship with God, and you trust Him 100%, He will demonstrate, first-hand, what a true relationship should look like. Most of it is found in His words in 1st Corinthians…or on page 51 of this book.
“My spouse says she wants to move out. She says she doesn’t love me anymore. She says she never loved me. She says there is no one else in her life.”
And I believe in the tooth fairy! In every situation I know of, the husband (or wife) has met someone with whom they can simply talk. They usually share some intimate conversation about how their love relationship at home has deteriorated. The “emotional connection” is made, and soon they are saying, “I’ll be late for dinner tonight…I have to work late.” Then, soon after, the spouse moves out or gets an apartment.
The other spouse goes into shock when she or he discovers that the marital partner has found someone else. She cries, “I never saw this coming.” Yet, if you ask her, “When did you and your husband stop having sex or stop enjoying it?” you may hear, “Well, a few years ago, I suppose.”
One has to come to the realization at some point in a deteriorating marriage that communication on an intimate level ceased at some point. One has to know when their communication became superficial…cordial. One must know that when they go out to eat, they don’t talk to each other all that much, or find it difficult to talk about anything but, “How’s the food?” “Mmmm, it’s good…the potatoes are a little cold.”
How about, “Honey, have I told you how beautiful you look after all these years?” Would that not be an indication of a healthy marriage?
Instead, we see the man reading his newspaper and the wife staring out the window. This marriage is DOA. It can be fixed, but it will take effort on the part of both.
This deterioration did not “just happen” out of the clear blue. Communication broke down somewhere along the line. It is at this point…this juncture…this bridge where couples need to recognize that there is a problem. Then, they need to be willing to fix it NOW.
Couples stop talking to one another out of fear. Maybe it is fear of rejection, ridicule, or retaliation. Perhaps they feel that they don’t know each other well enough. They might not have discovered each other’s strengths and weaknesses yet. They should have taken yh 100-Question "Compatibility Test" in Chapter 38 of this book - FIRST...before they contemplated marriage.
Many couples can’t seem to get ten minutes into a conversation without having it erupt into an argument over something…usually nothing.
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