Taken from Chapter II: When Dad is Unavailable
Perhaps I could have made it to my purpose a lot less confused, scarred and beaten up, had I kept my gaze upon the one whom my heart adores. Had I kept focused [on The Father], I would not be the bloody mess that I am today. Nevertheless, I am stronger and better for having survived each experience – whew! Of a truth, I have rediscovered something of old, which remains true to this very day - "Can’t nobody do me like Jesus.”
I am delighted to be back at the place with my Dad, wherein deep again calls unto deep, and the depth (deeper spiritual things) in me, respond to the infinite depth in Him. Once more the frequency is unhindered and I hear Him with clarity, because finally, I have stopped tuning in, to everyone else.
Locked in His strong embrace, once more, we have begun to dance! Engaged in a Spiritual tango with my Dad, I dance with He who loves me best. Swept off my feet, by the one who led me to the dance floor so very long ago – I am now safe in His arms. He knows every ‘numbered hair’ on my head as well as which ‘hair numbers’ fall into my sink, each time my hair is combed.
I am dancing with He who knows everything about me and yet loves me anyway. Because His love is eternal, we are in it for the long haul – for life! He has seen the good, the bad, and the very, very ugly and has yet called me to worship and also to “the dance.” He has seen all my (spiritual, physical and emotional) scars; and has kissed and anointed each one. He saturated them with the oil of Himself – for He, The Lord God, is love.
He has witnessed my shortcomings and even my pain. He has joined me in lament over every traumatic event. Never once has He ever turned away from me, but to this day, He continues to embrace me. He is there all of the time just for the asking. I can call Him when I need Him as well as when I simply want to say, “Hello Dad.”
But do you know what the best part is? It is He who often calls for me. Imagine that, The Father often summons one who has been rejected by others. Wow! The most awesome thing about my Father is that no matter how many children He has, He always has time just for me. Never have I ever felt neglected. If the truth were told, it is I who have often neglected to spend quality time with Him – sorry Dad.
So you see hirelings and humans, you can’t hurt me any more. Things with God and I are back to normal. No longer can I afford to be fathered by earthly hands because they hurt too much, and too often, they lack the wisdom necessary to guide me into my purpose. I suppose this works out exactly the way you intended it to. Dad, pastor, you were always unavailable, because you never wanted me in the first place.
Dearest Father(s), (biological, step, and/or spiritual): Having a nurturing earthly male figure to call ‘Dad’ would have been wonderful during my younger years. Unfortunately, your presence is no longer something that I continuously crave. I am all grown up now with a family of my own to care for. There once was a time however, when I really needed you. I longed for you, and I waited patiently for you, but you refused to come.
For so long I held out hope that you would change your mind, but instead you remained aloof. I would have respectfully submitted to you as I solicited your guidance and advice. Unfortunately though, my waiting proved to be in vein, because you always let me down, as you never even bothered to show up.
I no longer have the same desire to see you, or to even talk to you. I’ve had to learn so many things about life and about myself, without you being there. I had no earthly role model to look up to, no one to call my hero! As a result, I have made terrible mistakes, many of which I am dreadfully ashamed to acknowledge – but I have. The good news however, is that I did eventually learn from my poor choices. Through it all, I have also grown spiritually, more than you will ever know.
Fathers, do not be too angry with yourselves. I am certain that you had your own reasons for being aloof, apathetic and in many instances, altogether absent. Many of you were lousy nurturers, even when you were in the home. Dad, for the most part, you were simply unavailable. It is not yet too late for you to be a father should you decide to be.
However, I think it is only fair to inform you that you have showed up at a time when I no longer need you to be. For you see, it was not so very long ago that I stopped looking for you altogether. In fact – it was only yesterday.
From all of the children who survived without you – and in many cases, we survived in spite of you!
God bless you dad.