â€ś I canâ€™t believe anyone can be in such pain in this day and age in this country.â€ť was my complaining thought. I had expected to be without pain as I had opted to stay overnight after the surgery. Twelve hours after first complaining of the pain, I was in no better shape. It was only a minute by minute survival. Unrelentless pain. Praise God. Praise Jesus. Scenes from Mel Gibsonâ€™s movie flashed before me and I realized I had nothing to complain about for my pain was so small in comparison to what my Savior suffered. Without Him, I think I could have easily totally lost it.
I am seeing a therapist I have known for years. About eight months ago, she was helping me but it wasn't easy facing what I needed to face. God was doing surgery on my heart and I started feeling for the first time in years. Feeling heartbreak and emotional pain I had avoided for years was a horrible struggle. I just didn't seem to get a break - a time of relief - the hours of crying and screaming out to God were numerous. God is so faithful. He saw me through those awful times of reliving my life, starting from birth. For each problem identified and recognized, He showed me the truth. Healing began to take place ever so slowly.